Back to Life
by Rose DiVerona
Summary: Immediately post-Chosen. When Buffy is offered a rare gift, what will she decide to do with it? Two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

After the battle, the survivors took refuge in a motel thirty miles outside of what used to be Sunnydale. Whoever ran the place had clearly fled; it was empty, which was perfect. They raided the vending machines for food and then, without exception, slept for about fifteen hours each.

It was now day two, and Xander was temporarily alone in the room he shared with Andrew. It was not his ideal setup. There were plenty of rooms, but Buffy had decided that no one should be on their own, and Xander couldn't blame her. He didn't really want to be alone anyway. He just didn't want to be with Andrew.

The hush that had fallen over the company was uncomfortable, and Xander found himself wishing Anya was there. She had always known what to say. Well, she'd always had something to say, at least, which was better than the silence. Silence meant more time to think, and Xander really didn't want to be alone with his thoughts right now.

Anya's death had hit him hard, much harder than he'd let on to anyone else. He'd felt the tears coming for the past two days but had held them off so far in a bid to save face in front of the girls.

But inevitably, his suppressed emotions found another outlet, and in grief's place, Xander felt anger begin to creep in...

**:**

"Got any fours?"

Buffy automatically glanced down at the cards in her hand, even though she knew she didn't, in fact, have any fours. She, Dawn, Faith, Willow, and Kennedy were holed up in one room in the motel. Faith had managed to find a pack of cards somewhere, and they were playing Go Fish while tactfully avoiding the elephant in the room: What next?

Buffy didn't want to think about that. Her mind was preoccupied with Spike. He had been right: she didn't love him, not really, but she thought she might have been starting to. Was this her curse, to keep falling in love with the very creatures she was destined to destroy? First Angel, then Spike. And now they were both lost to her.

The door suddenly shot open with a crack, and Dawn almost fell off the bed. Andrew stood in the doorway, his eyes wide.

"Something's in our room attacking Xander!" he panted. "There's banging and shouting!"

Buffy and Faith each grabbed the nearest weapon and sprinted into the hall, the others on their heels. They were joined by several curious Slayerettes.

"Fucking—demon—_show you—_" Xander's low growl carried through the door, followed by a crash.

Buffy kicked the door open.

And stopped dead.

The room was a mess. Mattresses hanging off the beds, broken lamps on the floor, drawers spilled out all over the carpet. Glass glittered from a pile of ripped pages that looked to be from the mangled Bible trapped underneath an overturned chair.

Xander's fist was buried in the wall by the closet. He pulled it out, bloodied, and turned to the intruders.

Buffy shuddered involuntarily. Xander's eye was hard and blazing. His lip curled up in a sneer. She hadn't seen that predatory look on his face since the hyena, all those years ago.

"What—" Kennedy began, cut off by a snarl as Xander stalked forward.

Buffy was frozen, but someone pushed past her and pulled the door shut.

Giles gave them all a solemn look, wiping his glasses on the hem of his shirt.

"I wouldn't go in there just yet."

Dawn's fist tightened around the stake she'd grabbed from Buffy's bag.

"Giles, we've gotta help him! What if he's been possessed?"

"He isn't possessed," Giles explained patiently. "Xander has been holding himself together for the rest of us, but grief is a very powerful emotion. It does not always manifest in obvious ways." He looked pointedly at Willow.

Buffy sighed. "Well, as long as he's only destroying a room and not the world…"

Faith began to herd the younger girls away. "Go on, bedtime for the little sisters. Big day of nothing tomorrow." She stopped when Robin stepped out of their room a few doors down.

"What's going on?" he asked sleepily.

"You're supposed to be in bed." Faith put her hands on her hips. "Can't go for round two 'til you heal up some."

"Thank you for that information, Faith…"

"No prob, G-man. C'mon, you, back inside. Night, everyone." Faith and Robin disappeared inside their room.

Dawn reached out and pressed her palm against Xander's door. "What if he hurts himself?"

"I've no doubt Xander will be alright, given time," Giles said confidently. "Andrew, you will stay with me tonight."

A _thunk _hit the other side of the wall, followed by a _thump _and a low wail. Choked sobbing met their ears.

Willow squeezed Kennedy's hand and stepped forward, easing the door ajar and slipping inside, fastening it behind her.

"Bed," Buffy announced.

**:**

Early the next morning, Buffy found herself pacing the halls restlessly. She couldn't sleep. She kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for some demonic emergency to arise. She wasn't used to having nothing to fight.

"Slayer."

Buffy jumped a foot in the air and spun, crouching reflexively. When she recognized Whistler, she straightened. "What are _you _doing here?"

"I'm here to talk to you."

"How did you get in?"

The demon chuckled. "Give me a little credit. Balance demon, remember? I come and go as I please. Well—as _they _please."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "The Higher Powers."

"Yes."

"So tell me, how have those powers been lately?" Buffy's voice was thick with sarcasm. "They enjoy watching lives being ripped apart?"

Whistler sighed. "Slayer—"

"The last time I saw you was five years ago. You told me I'd have to kill my boyfriend. I didn't even get a 'good job' for that one."

"It doesn't work like that."

"Yeah, figured that out on my own. Look, I just destroyed a Hellmouth, so if you're here to tell me there's something I need to rush off and slay…"

"Actually, I'm here to grant you a wish."

Buffy's eyebrows flew up and she crossed her arms. "So now you're a genie, too?"

He smirked. "Hardly…but I know a few if you're interested."

"No thanks. I've seen how dangerous messing around with wishes can be."

"Wishes are tricky things," Whistler agreed. "But this time you don't need to worry. Think of this as a gift, no strings attached."

"Can I return this gift if I don't like it?"

"Very funny. Deal's this: we will return one lost soul to you." When Buffy looked at him blankly, he sighed. "We'll bring one of your friends back to life, Slayer."

Buffy forced herself to swallow the hope that suddenly erupted inside her. "Been there, done that. Not so much fun for the resurrected."

Whistler shook his head. "It won't be like that this time. Whoever you choose won't remember being dead. You can bring back anyone you want. Doesn't matter how long they've been gone or how they died." He leaned forward, as if to emphasize his next words. "This is a very big deal. It's not a decision the Higher Powers came to easily. And it's a limited time offer. It's now or never."

Buffy could see he was completely serious, and the realization struck her like a physical blow.

_I could bring Mom back. I could hold her and talk to her and it would be like she never died. I could bring her back._

But back to what? To a world two years in the future, where the house, the gallery, the great little market on the corner, were nothing but a hole in the ground?

Buffy missed her mother…but she had also learned to live without her.

_I could bring back Tara_. _Or Spike. I could bring back Spike…_

She was so caught up in the possibilities that she didn't notice Willow and Xander approaching until they were right beside her, eyeing Whistler curiously.

"Who are you?" Xander asked boldly. Buffy was relieved to see that her friend looked back to normal after the night before.

"Name's Whistler." The half-demon extended a hand, withdrawing it when no one made a move to reciprocate. "Tough crowd."

"Whistler is a balance demon," Buffy explained. "Trust me, he's on the up-and-up."

"What does he want?" Willow asked cautiously.

"He wants to give me something. A gift."

"And here I thought you were a January birthday." Xander crossed his arms and lifted an eyebrow at the stranger. "No offense, but trust is kinda on the low end right now. In my experience nothing is for free."

Whistler smiled. "Growing up on a Hellmouth taught you to be wary."

"Growing up on a Hellmouth taught us to watch out for people we don't know," Willow countered. "Especially when those people come bearing gifts for no reason."

"But I wouldn't say there's 'no reason' for this. After all, you faced great evil and won."

"You're saying we tipped the scale for the good side, and now you've gotta unleash some monster to restore balance?" Xander took half a step backward.

"You've all lost a lot over the years. Many of your friends didn't make it to see this day. The Higher Powers recognize this Slayer has been through hell and back, and they've decided, in appreciation for her sacrifices and to encourage her to take her place training the next generation, that something should be returned to her. Some_one._"

Understanding dawned in unison on Willow and Xander's faces.

"They—they can do that? Bring someone back to life?" Xander glanced sideways at Buffy.

Whistler seemed amused. "As I recall, both of you have done it before."

Willow frowned. "Well, yeah, but—that was different. Those were…special circumstances."

"So are these." Whistler straightened. "We guarantee you one restored soul. No catches. A person returned to you exactly as they were when they died."

"…but who?"

"I believe the Slayer has already made her choice."

Buffy nodded and turned to Willow. "Wills, you know that if it were even three days ago…"

Willow smiled. "I know, Buffy. It's okay. I'm okay. Spike saved all of us, he deserves another chance."

Xander looked like he'd swallowed something sour, but he flashed Buffy a tight smile and a nod.

Buffy took a breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were glistening with unshed tears. She nodded at Whistler.

"Thanks, guys. But I'm not bringing Spike back."

Willow frowned. "Then who—"

Whistler had vanished, and in his place hovered a small, golden orb, which began to grow bigger and brighter until they had to shield their eyes and look away.

The light disappeared as suddenly as it had come. Blinking spots from their eyes, the trio looked to see—


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

"Anya?"

Xander could hardly believe his eye. His ex-fiancée stood not four feet away, looking around in confusion.

"What the hell—?"

She was cut off abruptly as Xander swept her up in a hug.

"Oh my God," he croaked. He buried his face in her neck. "Oh my God." He pulled back to cup her face in his hands, then planted a kiss on her lips.

Anya pushed him away gently, cheeks flushed with pleasure but brow furrowed. "Not that I'm not happy to see you, too, but would someone tell me what's going on? Last thing I remember, I was swinging some clunky sword at one of those eyeless weirdos."

"You died," Xander whispered.

Anya turned to Buffy. "What is he talking about?"

"You were killed, Anya," the Slayer said quietly. "Two days ago, in the fight."

"Two days ago?" Anya looked quickly from Xander to Willow to Buffy. "Does that mean you're all dead, too? Is this the afterlife?"

"No. All _four_ of us are very alive," Willow assured her.

"Okay, now I'm really confused. Did we win?"

"We won," Buffy confirmed. "But you didn't make it."

Anya blinked. "Somebody better start talking, because none of you are making any sense right now."

"We'll explain everything later," Willow promised with a sideways glance at her oldest friend. "Long story short, you were dead, and now you're not. Okay?"

"But—"

"Great! Well, Buffy and I have to go now, so bye!"

The two young women slipped out of the room, leaving a teary Xander alone with a bemused Anya.

"Xander? Why are you crying?"

"Because you're back."

"That makes you sad?"

"No!" He gave a watery laugh. "I'm crying because I'm happy, Anya."

"Oh." She made a face. "Humans are so strange."

Xander laughed again. "Can I hold you, just for a minute? I just want to make sure you're really here."

"Seems unnecessary, since I'm standing right here talking to you," Anya grumbled, but she wrapped her arms around Xander's waist and he buried his face in her hair, breathing in her familiar scent.

"What did you do to your hand?"

Xander belatedly remembered his bandaged appendage. "I punched a wall."

"Seriously? Again? Why on earth would you do something like that?"

"You were dead," he said, his voice muffled. "You were dead and I never got the chance to tell you…"

She pulled back. "Tell me what?"

"How sorry I was…am." He exhaled and clasped Anya's hands in his own. "Listen, I still don't think we were ready to get married, but leaving you at the altar was a really shitty thing to do."

"Yes, it was." She softened. "But I probably shouldn't have tried to get revenge by sleeping with Spike. If it's any consolation, I didn't find him to be a satisfactory sexual partner."

Xander winced. "That was more than I needed to know."

"Honesty is the best policy," Anya said unapologetically.

"Okay, then. Honestly? I know I messed up, and I'm not expecting anything. But losing you made me realize that I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if we still had a chance."

"What are you saying, Xander?"

He swallowed and bravely looked her straight in the eyes. "I love you."

Anya drew in a breath. "You do?"

"I don't think I ever stopped," he admitted.

Her eyes filled with tears. "I tried so hard to convince myself I didn't need you. That I was better off without all these stupid human emotions."

"Anya—"

She held up a hand. "Shut up and let me get this out. I wanted things to go back to the way they were before we met. But I couldn't forget you and the way you made me feel. And sometimes, sometimes it really hurts to care so much. But...I think I'd rather hurt than stop caring."

"Anya?"

"Please kiss me now," she instructed.

**:**

The others had needed to be informed of Anya's return, so Buffy's first step after leaving the reunited couple had been to round everyone up and explain, briefly, what happened. She didn't mention the choice she'd had to make, unsure whether Dawn would be able to forgive her for selecting the former vengeance demon over their mother.

It was a sign of how weird their world was that everyone immediately believed her wacky story. Of course, some of the group, particularly Andrew, wanted to go see their resurrected friend immediately, but Buffy managed to convince them that doing so would be overwhelming for Anya and it was best not to crowd her.

As usual, Giles somehow seemed to know everything, even the parts Buffy kept to herself. He didn't speak, but the soft look he gave her spoke volumes.

Buffy had returned to her room and was laying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, when there was a knock on the door. She closed her eyes. _Couldn't they let me have even five minutes to myself?_

"Come in," she called, resigned.

She heard the door open.

"Why'd you do it?"

She sat up. Xander was standing in the doorway. To her surprise, he was alone.

"Where's Anya?"

"She's sleeping. The last thing she remembers is the fight at the high school, so she's still in that post-battle coma we all had." He swung the desk chair around to face the bed and sat in it, leaning forward. "Come on, Buff. You've never been Anya's biggest fan. Why?"

Buffy picked at a loose thread in the duvet cover as she collected her thoughts.

"You're right," she began, "about me and Anya. I know I've never exactly been on her cheerleading squad. And I'm sorry about that."

He frowned. "What?"

"I should have made more of an effort. I knew how much she meant to you, but I never really got to know her."

"Anya's an acquired taste," Xander admitted. "But you don't need to apologize, Buffy. It's not like I ever warmed up to Angel."

Buffy smiled ruefully and tipped her head in acknowledgement. "I guess that's true. Maybe, in the future, we can both try a little harder?"

"Deal." He crossed his arms. "That still doesn't answer my question."

She shrugged. "You're one of my best friends, Xander. And you've given up so much for me." Almost unconsciously, her fingers lifted to graze his eyepatch.

He caught her wrist gently. "I would do it all again," he said seriously.

"I hope you never have to." She sighed. "I brought Anya back because I couldn't stand to see you like that yesterday. I'm tired of watching my friends suffer. Usually there isn't much I can do about it, but today there was."

Xander just looked at her for a moment. "None of us deserve you, Buffy. You're the most selfless person I know." When she scoffed, he continued, "That gift was for you. You could have chosen anyone."

"I thought about choosing my mom," Buffy admitted quietly.

"Why didn't you?"

Buffy frowned as she thought about it. "Because I don't need her anymore. I mean," she continued quickly, "I miss her all the time, and part of me will always need her. But…I don't know where she'd fit into this world. Too much has changed."

Xander snorted. "That's the understatement of the year."

"Knock, knock."

This time it was Willow in the doorway. She smiled at them and climbed onto the bed next to Buffy.

"How's Anya?"

"Sleeping," Xander and Buffy said together.

"So how's she dealing?"

"Better than most people would be." Xander smirked. "Then again, Anya isn't most people." He made to stand, clearly eager to be back at her side, but Buffy reached out a hand to stop him.

"Wait. I want to sit like this, just the three of us, a little longer."

And for several minutes they did just that. It was Willow who finally broke the silence, almost in a whisper.

"What happens now?"

"I don't know." Buffy took her friends' hands. "I guess we'll figure it out."


End file.
